I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
