oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pants are for mortals
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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