i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
