I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
