so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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