Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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