I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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