Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
