he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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