tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You did what with his pubic hair?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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