At least make sure they are 18
Why
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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