3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
