oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found the puke drawer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh god it's open bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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