Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
