I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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