I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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