I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
