You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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