he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
