i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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