He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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