How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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