Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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