I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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