turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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