And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
