Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
