I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
