I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
