I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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