just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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