from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just invented taco cereal.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
