Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
