Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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