not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
