After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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