the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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