everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
