Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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