I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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