but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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