you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bring me that man meat
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
