I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
