i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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