I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
