There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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