what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
