fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
