I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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