I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
