I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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