i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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