DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
