Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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