I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
