i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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