it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
