I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Never joke about your clitoris.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
