I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
