I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
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Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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