Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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