man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
