wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
