Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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