Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
