The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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